Great piece on the illusion of safety and ‘swallowing the pill’ so to speak of colonization and assimilation.
“If you are an Indigenous woman, don’t be tricked into thinking you are any more safe than any of our other sisters out there. You’re not. The system and most Canadians don’t give a shit about you, how strong and talented you are, how hard you’ve worked, or where you live. If you are an Indigenous woman, you are a prime target for colonial violence.”
Don’t be tricked.
“Street harassment is no more about compliments than rape is about sex.”
An incredibly poignant share from a survivor of childhood sexual abuse.
In light of everything blowing around the internet in regards to Dylan Farrow’s recent open letter to the NY times, I wanted to share this piece written by another survivor of childhood sexual abuse. It really resonated with me personally, and I feel is a good place to start for folks who have no experience in this realm and are jumping to defend Allen or, almost worse, TO SIT ON THE FENCE OR PLAY DEVILS ADVOCATE FOR BOTH SIDES.
Is it possible that Mia Farrow acted maliciously out of anger towards Allen in their divorce in any number of ways? Yes. Does that have ANYTHING to do with hearing and believing a child that comes to you and tells you her experience? NO. You hear her, and you believe her! Whatever her parent’s did after that is completely irrelevant as far as the validity of her experience is concerned.
As someone who has experienced sexual assault personally, I know what it feels like to be constantly questioned; by friends, family, counselors, peers, society, strangers, and worst of all, myself. I know what it’s like to believe those voices, that your feelings must be wrong, that it must be YOU that’s the problem. Boys will be boys, it could have been worse, it can’t have been that bad or you’d have reported it. I’ve received a ton of advice from folks both trusted and not, none of which was at all validating of the experience I had until almost 10 YEARS after it happened. Keeping quiet caused numerous challenges to arise in my life, at the time most notably I gained over 100lbs and I failed to graduate highschool on time. But still no one noticed a thing. I can relate to Dylan’s story because one of my abusers is also celebrated internationally and seen as somewhat of a celebrity. I too can sometimes not avoid public celebrations of my abusers achievements, and can relate to falling apart and then being labelled as the damaged one. I can relate to having to shoulder the blame for my own assault.
So again, I’m incredibly thankful for work like THIS. We are NOT alone. We are the curator of our own experiences. We DO NOT NEED TO JUSTIFY our feelings or experiences to anyone. And as far as I’m concerned, any of ya’ll who wanna defend Allen can go take a fucking leap in the Hudson right along side his perverted ass!
We call ourselves many things…
“When I was young they told me, they said
Make your bed, you lie in that bed
A king can only reign ’til instead
There comes that day, it’s “off with his head”
And I told them: nah you don’t know me
Lightning above and a fire below me
You cannot catch me, you cannot hold me
You cannot stop much less control me
Night gets darkest right before dawn
What doesn’t kill you makes you more strong
And I’ve been waiting for it so long”
“I have been taught accomodation”
This is just as powerful when I watch it now as it was the first time I ever saw it…
Shrinking Women by Lily Myers
Something to think about…
“Sadomasochism is an institutionalized celebration of dominant/subordinate relationships. And, it prepares us either to accept subordination or to enforce dominance. Even in play, to affirm that the exertion of power over powerlessness is erotic, is empowering, is to set the emotional and social stage for the continuation of that relationship, politically, socially, and economically. Sadomasochism feeds the belief that domination is inevitable and legitimately enjoyable. It can be compared to the phenomenon of worshipping a godhead with two faces, and worshipping only the white part on the full moon and the black part on the dark of the moon, as if totally separate. But you cannot corral any aspect within your life, divorce its implications, whether it’s what you eat for breakfast or how you say good-bye. This is what integrity means.”
~ Audre Lorde
What do I think about it?
Basically, recognizing why something is problematic doesn’t mean that you aren’t allowed to enjoy it.
I’d love to hear thoughts around this issue!